No, I Don’t Think Rape Jokes Are Funny

Trigger warning: rape, rape jokes

What to do, when someone in your presence tell rape joke? That is a question I have never wanted to know the answer for, but unfortunately, I’ve learned it recently. And I’ve also learned the price for speaking up…

I spent the New Year’s Eve at my boyfriend’s house, which means some of his relatives are over, his sister and her husband, I’m usually bit anxious there, not that they are bad people, I just have so little in common with them and lot of their conversation topics make me uncomfortable… And suddenly, my almost father-in-la told a rape joke. Not really explicit or something, but the meaning was clear. Everyone except me and my boyfriend laughed and I said I don’t think it’s really good talking about “sex” with unconscious person, that it’s not funny. My boyfriend’s uncle reacts “yeah, but that’s why it’s just a joke” and everyone was looking at me like I’m a total buzzkill, my father-in-law looked like I totally hurt his feelings, because I dared to say something and all in all, in that moment it felt that I clearly don’t belong there…

I’m not very proud to say that I just went upstairs and spent rest of my evening there and that I cried, because I really really want to fit there, if I can’t fit into my own family, but I guess that’s just my wishful thinking. It’s not easy for me to speak up when I know people around me have really different opinions, because I hate opening myself to possibly getting hurt, so when I did that and I got hurt, it felt really bad.

My point, however, is that rape jokes aren’t funny. And it’s not funny to “have sex” with unconscious person. I use quotation marks, because how can we call it sex, if one person has no idea what’s going on… When you joke about such things, you make it sound that it’s ok to do it, when it’s not. I was only glad that my boyfriend’s younger brother wasn’t there. He’s just in puberty and what would this teach him about women and the ways he can treat them. One of my friends was rapes few years ago and it wasn’t fun. It wasn’t fun at the moment and it wasn’t fun for her to recover. It wasn’t joke for her…

Also, when you joke about raping someone unconscious, you’re also saying that it was their fault, they were “asking for it”. That’s called victim blaming and it’s total bullshit. When someone chooses to rape someone, who is passed out, it’s the decision of the rapist, they’re the one who decided to do it, it’s not the victim! You can say “but they shouldn’t been drunk” and so on, but the last decision, the decision to act, is always on the side of the rapist, never the victim.

And if you want to know more about why rape jokes aren’t funny, watch this short video by amazing Justin Dennis and let her explain it to you:

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