On Facebook/Scared Little Girl

So, I just launched my Facebook page, where I will post all the blogs. To be honest, I’m really scared… I invited my friends and those are people who meet me, some of them every day. And there are some of them, who know nothing about my problems. I’m still not used to calling it illness… What will they think? And does it matter? It shouldn’t. And I was thinking about this blog for so long that I should be happy to just start and “educate” people. The problem is… I’m not good at being brave. I act like a hero, fighting again and again, but deep inside, I’m just a scared little girl. I have spent years building protective walls, so nobody could see me, hurt me. I have covered every weakness, so nobody could use it against me…

And now, it’s new beginning. I want to feel proud, I want to feel brave, but I can’t. I feel so exposed, so vulnerable. I decided to show the world exactly the spot, where you can hit me and I will fall. And I decided to share my history, my totally deep feelings and memories, just to help you all out there understand…

So my thought for tonight is…please don’t hurt me, not too much. I know that nobody out there can hurt me and hate me as much as I can hurt and myself, when “the demons come”. I know I am the one I should be afraid of. But no, I am afraid of the world… and life itself.

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4 thoughts on “On Facebook/Scared Little Girl

  1. Wow, Petra! I’m very proud of you! Few people have the guts to be so vulnerable (even those who have it “all together.” (Maybe especially those people.) I believe God will use your blog, not only for your own healing, but for others who struggle will depression as well. Love and prayers for you!

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    • Thank you, Dawn, it means a lot to me! I actually plan to write about God in some future blog, because He brought me through the worst and He did not abandon me, even when I felt like the most despicable thing in the world. I want to share it, because faith is something nothing can take away, not even depression!

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